It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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