this beer tastes like vomit already
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Randomize
