Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
