I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
