How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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