Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
