I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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