Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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