She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
