Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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