I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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