I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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