Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
