Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
