I'm passing your future prison.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
