me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
