Define "chronic" masturbator.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
