Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I will be naked everywhere
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
