Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
