I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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