woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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