her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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