She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't deserve a penis
They took my balls.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
