i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
