He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
