She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
