I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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