I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
