Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
