Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
