So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
