i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
