i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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