Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
