I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
