everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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