I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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