if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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