we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
