they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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