I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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