I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
