He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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