Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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