this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
