Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
