Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Randomize
