took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
