don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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