Reggie can tackle my bush.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
