does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Randomize
