I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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