Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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